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two dolla make you holla


so a banking center manager just called me about giving 2 of his tellers a raise. they are very good tellers and have been with the bank for a while. one got her last raise in april 2004 & the other one got her last raise in june of 2004. time for both to be reviewed. so hes talking to me about the fact that they both dont make what they should be making & how we really dont pay our tellers what other banks pay their tellers. this is very true & i tell him i agree with him. but i also tell him that im 170% of my salary budget right now already & its not going to be revamped until 4th quarter & wont be implemented until 1st quarter 2006, so im shit out of luck for now. i dont think ILL even be getting a decent raise this year. so i take a look at what his tellers are making & their numbers & their salary history. one was making $12.50 & the other was making $14.20. tellers are hourly, not salary. he wants to give them $1 more an hour. knowing what shape my salary budget is in, and what OTHER managers are being forced to give their tellers as raises, i was torn as to what to do. he was asking my approval for $1 each, which was 8% & 7%, respectively. way out of the ballpark of what i was thinking when he first called.

i was willing to give him the go ahead on 3% without any questions asked. 5% if he bothered me about it enough. but 8%? a combined 15%?!

so i listened to him. and i thought about it. and i remembered when i used to live paycheck to paycheck & worry about money all the time & if i was gonna have money to pay this bill or that bill. or when i got fired resigned from countrywide & didnt work for like 3 months & spent all my savings & was flat fucking broke & scared out of my mind. money is a powerful thing. and it can inflate your mind if you make too much of it. you can forget that at one point, you didnt have shit & there are still some people out there that rely on every last bit of it to SURVIVE, not just to buy garbage on ebay & to get their nails done.

so i approved it. in fact, i went in & did the transactions myself. i gave them both a buck each. he is gonna go & tell them today that they got their raise & 2 tellers PEOPLE will have an awesome day because i decided to step down from my corporate high horse & forget about budgets & how pissed my boss is gonna be when instead of shaving our 70% gap to goal, ive inflated it a bit more. shell get over it.

he told me awesome & i were best friends & it made me smile. i didnt have to approve it. ive turned down raises like that before & counteroffered an insulting one in return. never took the time to think that if i had to live on what those chicks have to live on, maybe someone would take the time to consider that its just not enough & would be a little more generous than usual.

i really do complain too much. i have it a lot better than a lot of people. most of you complain too much, too. we all need to shut the fuck up & stop complaining about what we cant change & start doing something about what we can. maybe you dont have the capacity to give someone a raise, but go buy a homeless guy a cheeseburger or some shit. do something that will benefit someone other than yourself.

and be thankful for what you have. quit bitching.
so i needed 2 go to the bank. and of course i had to be there by 2pm for the cut off time because i am so unbelieveably anal about that. so i realize this as its 1:44 and im still home. so i get up and grab my purse and keys and my poor little dog sits there lookin up at me like come on mom take me with u. so i get her ass and we go. the bank is like 3 blocks from my apartment so im sure ill make it by 2. i pull up and theres 2736434563 cars in the drive in. i act like any other crazy person and stab my steering wheel with the imaginary knife in my hand and curse at all the people with the same idea as me and i pull the fuck up in the shortest line. its like 1:53 by now. so im inching forward and making sure my deposit slip & everything is ready. so im sittin there with my windows up and the ac blasting like a mofo cuz its like 200 fucking degrees outside and i catch a whiff of this HIDEOUS fucking smell. i had a good idea of what it was but i was hoping it was coming through the air vent from outside or something. it just kept getting stronger and fucking stronger till i couldnt fucking take it anymore. so its 1:59 and i finally pull up right as i was about to choke on the smell. and im in the lane right there at the window so they only have this little drawer thing, not the little tube thing that u send through the tunnel. so i get my shit, see the drawer is open, i roll my window down and the fuckin smell multiplied by like 34616359168 and all escaped at once from my car window and RIGHT INTO THE BANK TELLERS DRAWER THING! i was looking up as i was putting the shit into the drawer and i could see the exact moment the smell punched the lady right in her fuckin face. i swear she moved right the fuck back like she was about 2 fall over. and she fuckin walked away. rofl i dont blame her ass. shes prolly thinkin jesus this chick smells fuckin horrible. my dog was in the back and i have tinted windows so i dont think she saw her so she was probably thinkin it was me. so she fuckin comes back after a minute and i know the smell was still inside the damn bank cuz i could see all the chicks faces twisted in disgust and the lady had closed the drawer with the quickness. so finally she puts my receipt in the drawer. pulls the little lever and before it even came out to me, she walked away fast as fuck. lol. the time on my receipt: 2:01PM. that fuckin cunt. so i sat there for a second with my window open and the drawer still open cuz the lady had walked away, just to make sure extra stank dog stench got all up in the bank. i was embarrassed enough as it is, i might as well have fun with it. finally i left and now im here. jesus. what was the smell? my dingy ass dog. fuckin dog smells like hot garbage. i give her these fish oil vitamin things everyday thats supposed 2 be good for her coat n stuff, but holy fuckin hell it makes her smell unbelieveably wretched. and then when she gets in the sun, like today, watch the fuck out! i thought i was gonna die from the smell. the fuckin fish oil comes out of her skin and starts cookin on her. so it smelled like a strong ass mix of dead fish mixed with already stinky dog and diareah and countless other unbearable smells all mixed into one. it was horrible. im thinking of discontinuing the use of those vitamins.


classic case of foot-in-mouth

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June 2005


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